Vodka Jelly

I just got a somewhat-bizarre phone call about how best to mix jelly and vodka. A spot of quick googling later (yes, take that, I just used it as a verb with­out respect­ing your trade­mark, punks) yielded this inebriation-friendly post from the BBC’s web­site:

The idea of vod­ka­jelly is a sim­ple one: get drunk as quickly as you can, by eat­ing a food most com­monly found at young children’s birth­day parties.

The basic recipe is just that — very basic. Make up a packet of jelly, using between a quar­ter and half of the amount of water sug­gested. Top up with as much vodka as you like (or can handle).

Trust the Brits ;-)

Sounds worth try­ing some­time, though… prob­a­bly not some­thing to leave in a family-friendly fridge, and prob­a­bly not with that sort of ratio… ½ Vodka jelly might be a bit much for those of us who would pre­fer not to get totally sloshed whilst eat­ing dessert.

# by Josh on February 21st, 2007 Tags: , ,
| 3 Comments »

Screen Design Sucks

In my copi­ous amounts of spare time, I’ve been con­tem­plat­ing redesign­ing this site. And dis­lik­ing the fact that screens are dif­fer­ent sizes.

Maybe it’s just that the sites I’ve spent the most time build­ing with CSS at Raw Ideas have been suf­fi­ciently indif­fer­ent to any­thing less than 1024x768. Or that the con­tent of these sites is so dis­pos­able that sus­tain­abil­ity isn’t really a great con­cern. Either way, I know what I should be doing in terms of design, then I’m aware of what is being done for var­i­ous rea­sons, and they’re not match­ing up.

For this site, I’ve got a design con­cept lined up… my only con­cern is exe­cu­tion of that.

Felix Miata is an absolute leg­end by whom I find myself con­stantly pur­suaded (though not always, for var­i­ous rea­sons – mostly professional/design inhibition/the cul­ture of superficiality-over-function so preva­lent in web design – , able to fol­low), and he’s built this really com­pelling exam­ple of why not to use fixed-width/px-based lay­outs. I don’t think he par­tic­u­larly cares about design, and comes across some­what like RMS does in his fanat­i­cal advo­cacy of a par­tic­u­lar approach to styling web pages.

Only, unlike Stall­man, his agenda is not some arbi­trary and often unrealistically-founded ide­ol­ogy (yeah, I’m trolling. Go on, rant. Stall­man can’t see past his own ver­sion of open-source, and his atti­tudes pro­vide no real­is­tic migra­tory path from closed– to open-source solu­tions; such zero-tolerance rejects the pat­tern that has become estab­lished in IT, so there’s no point in moronic reminscences of a time when there were only twenty peo­ple in the world using com­put­ers and they all shared, yada yada yada. No one cares.) but a prac­ti­cal NEED and inde­pen­dently cor­ro­lated evi­dence regard­ing people’s desires for larger text on websites.

So the text is stay­ing big here. But that’s a given (well, at least on this site… I’m try­ing to sway other places, and the best I’ve got thus far is text-resizing styleswitcher con­trols on a design I got handed last week. Usabil­ity will pre­vail! Gosh that sounded like the gov­ern­ment pro­pa­ganda guy from V for Vendetta. Ah well. This post is now offi­cially very digres­sive!), not my main concern.

No, my main con­cern is this site wind­ing up look­ing like the BBC’s does on enor­mous screens (see Felix’s page linked to above). I’m a fan of white­space as much as the next guy, but 800x600-wide on a 2000-pixel wide screen just doesn’t do it for me.

And, going the other direc­tion, I just bought a mobile/PDA which means I’m now going to be design­ing mobile stylesheets as well (at least I have that option!) for a 320-pixel wide screen. All new challenges.

Fluid lay­outs are all dandy until you intro­duce graphics.

Here, I’ve got a pol­icy of edi­to­r­ial graph­ics (i.e. pretty much every­thing except pho­tos that exist out­side of blog context/are linked to as files denoted as full res­o­lu­tion) not exceed­ing an invi­o­lable max­i­mum of 700 pix­els. This is, in my think­ing, not nego­tiable. I’m build­ing for an 800px wide min­i­mum, which means a main-content col­umn width of 760px tops.

Plus I can get away with lots more in terms of edit­ing pho­tos from my excellent-except-for-in-low-light-as-most-consumer-digital-cameras-are cam­era when the pub­li­ca­tion require­ment is kept low. I like to fill the col­umn with colour as much as pos­si­ble in a vain attempt to bal­ance out the (com­par­a­tively volu­mi­nous) amounts I write… I’ve started to use the “Read more” func­tion­al­ity again for pub­lish­ing essays and other not-originally-designed/written-for-web mate­r­ial (where PDF equiv­a­lents are avail­able), in order to hide full­text from the front page. You’ll note that on the sec­ond of today’s Cym­be­line posts.

So, I’m torn between keep­ing every­thing nar­row and keep­ing con­trol, or, well, not.

Cen­tred lay­outs, when done prop­erly, cater even for peo­ple with Stu­pid­ly­Large­Screens™. They’ll prob­a­bly be using 120dpi fonts to start with, which makes things rea­son­able even at “Nor­mal” font size. IE will go up two more steps… every other browser well beyond that. That’s prob­a­bly rea­son­able. The “chal­lenge” to me there is sim­ply to size the cen­tred lay­out in em’s, so that scales as well. My great­est con­cern is that I can­not style images to fill a set per­cent­age of their par­ent ele­ment (scal­ing appear­ances don’t, for the most part, con­cern me… this is mostly pulled off with­out too much dam­age if the dif­fer­ence is slight), because of vast amounts of legacy con­tent. I think specif­i­cally of instances where I’ve floated images that exist purely to sup­port the arti­cle, not pro­vid­ing any great amount of con­tent in their own right… these images are usu­ally from 200 to 400 pix­els in width, and often sit adja­cent to text. Refer to Cym­be­line exam­ple again for an instance in which images are help­ful and effec­tive, but it would be fool­ish to style them globally.

Legacy con­tent is the rea­son this can’t be achieved… I could con­ceiv­ably go through­out every one of the just-shy-of-1000 posts on this blog (in other mile­stones, we had a sec­ond birth­day three days ago) and add classes as appro­pri­ate. But I won’t.

My (final, because I need sleep) con­cern with scal­ing lay­outs is using back­ground images in CSS, which don’t scale, and can’t be sized in per­cent­ages unless you do stu­pid things with redun­dant markup (non-semantic IMG tags) and abuse z-indexes to the more worn edges of sanity.

It all comes down to loss of artis­tic con­trol. I embraced that with the present design, which I’m well aware peo­ple say looks like crap. You know, I don’t mind hear­ing that. The fact remains, it’s prob­a­bly the most func­tional design I’ve ever built.

That said, I’m off to get my hands dirty with some ink.

Beyond reason

This is a post that I’ve been want­ing to make for a while now, but haven’t, because the facts still weren’t clear and there’s a part of me that aspires to jour­nal­ism beyond pure blogging.

July 23, 2005. “Bomb sus­pect shot dead on Tube”.

July 24, 2005. “Police gunned down inno­cent man”.

Notably, police did not gun down “Bomb sus­pect”. Shoot first, ask ques­tions later. Okay, what­ever. They screwed up, they’re only human. So why am I jump­ing up and down about it (value of human life aside — because we know thou­sands of peo­ple in non-Western coun­tries are being killed every­day and no-one blinks)?

If noth­ing else, their rea­son­ing. The appar­ent lack of recourse.

“For some­body to lose their life in such cir­cum­stances is a tragedy and one that the Met­ro­pol­i­tan Police Ser­vice regrets,” police said, acknowl­edg­ing they had shot the wrong man.

Photo of Jean Charles de Menezes

They are now try­ing to get the body of mur­dered Brazil­ian, Jean Charles de Menezes, back to his home land in accor­dance with the wishes of his family.

“The gov­ern­ment expects the British author­i­ties to explain the cir­cum­stances that led to this tragedy,” a For­eign Min­istry state­ment said.
The Brazil­ian was “appar­ently the vic­tim of a lam­en­ta­ble mis­take”, the state­ment said.

Brazil­ian For­eign Min­is­ter Celso Amorim issued a state­ment in which he states his expec­ta­tion the British author­ites explain the events that unfolded. This is impor­tant: there has been no men­tion from the British of any fur­ther inves­ti­ga­tion or inquest into the death of Jean Charles de Menezes.

The actual nature of the killing itself, how­ever, is also in need of expla­na­tion. Police, appar­ently, assessed the risk and deter­mined the actions that would result in the mur­der (I use that word unflinch­ingly, for that is what this is) of an inno­cent man. Let us pause to col­lect what we know of the sit­u­a­tion, from the state­ments of eyewitnesses.

The police were in plain clothes. Other pas­sen­gers on the train had absolutely no way of know­ing with any degree of cer­tainty that the men weild­ing guns were, in fact, mem­bers of the Lon­don Met­ro­pol­i­tan Police Ser­vice. With­out indulging in con­spir­acy the­ory, to this day the only way the pub­lic can “know” this is by the [later, rather delayed] state­ments of the police force itself: the actual killers could quite eas­ily have been a covert British force that unseen agree­ments nec­ces­si­tated the blame being placed upon the Met­ro­pol­i­tan Police.

The “Met­ro­pol­i­tan Police Ser­vice”, wear­ing plain clothes, weild­ing sev­eral “heavy”-looking hand­guns (accord­ing to eye­wit­ness Mark Whitby), start chas­ing after this man.

If we cut through the ide­o­log­i­cal obfus­ca­tion about how “ter­ror­ism has no effects on the pop­u­la­tion” what­so­ever and insert name of attacked city here will be strong!” rhetoric, just for a sec­ond, it’s pretty self-evident that ter­ror­ism does have very real effects, man­i­fest in (amongst other things) a pre­vail­ing sense of para­noia. Ter­ror, con­cep­tu­ally, is based upon the irra­tional. You are not sta­tis­ti­cally likely to be killed in a pub­lic place in Lon­don, but the fear is there. Sim­i­larly, a man wear­ing a New York tee-shirt and a coat that “looked out of place in the hot humid weather” (also Mark Whitby) would not, with­out the con­text of pre­vi­ous days, be con­sid­ered a sus­pect, chased into a train car­riage in a pub­lic place, and shot in the head at close range five times.

Ter­ror­ism, clearly, does have effects. Ignore the pop­u­la­tion: it has effects upon ratio­nal gov­ern­ment. It makes our lead­ers pass inef­fec­tive laws that ham­per the pop­u­la­tion but do lit­tle to pre­vent ter­ror­ism. In Syd­ney, about a week ago, the media started issu­ing demands that “rad­i­cal” books in Islamic book­shops be — and I quote — “burnt”.

I’m sorry, did I miss some­thing? Why is an increas­ingly “lib­eral” West­ern pop­u­la­tion revert­ing to burn­ing books? Whilst we’re at it, can we burn all the works of Hitler, Mao, Stalin, Marx, a host of other com­mu­nist lead­ers, and, if we were to con­tinue, the works of var­i­ous French rev­o­lu­tion­ar­ies that would unequiv­o­ca­bly be con­sid­ered anti-establishment? Who cares what the estab­lish­ment is — polit­i­cal vio­lence is polit­i­cal vio­lence, is it not?

Oh, no, appar­ently not. But every­one avert their heads from Viet­nam and other instances of US-sanctioned polit­i­cal vio­lence, just in case. That wasn’t about democ­racy, it was about stop­ping com­mu­nism that had turned North Viet­nam into an indus­tri­alised state with the fastest-growing econ­omy in the region to which aid from Rus­sia and China decreased whilst sim­i­lar aid to South Viet­nam increased and they became pro­gres­sively more depen­dent upon the US.

But that was, of course, a huge digres­sion that just threw me into a big pit full of Left­ist writ­ers. Ah, quick, let me out.

So let’s ignore the pol­i­tics behind it for a sec­ond, and look at raw emo­tion. A man was shot in the head five times at close range on pub­lic trans­port. SOMEBODY, BLINK! I’m sure I’m miss­ing some­thing that makes all this per­fectly fine — and don’t say prior acts of ter­ror­ism, because that’s been proven to be uncon­nected, remem­ber? Ter­ror­ism has no effect on the pop­u­la­tion! Oh, what was that? I’m assum­ing imposed ide­olo­gies? Yeah, maybe.

Whilst I’m on this whole rant, I thought I’d men­tion tomor­row I’m going to blow up the Syd­ney Har­bour Bridge

…and the only rea­son I’m capa­ble of doing this, is that I don’t yet have a national iden­tity card to act as a restrain­ing force upon me. I’m imag­in­ing they’d come out now, and the force it would have on me as I walked towards the cen­ter of the bridge wear­ing a large back­pack… Oooh!!! It’s pulling me back!!! I can’t pos­si­bly det­o­nate this bomb, because that would mean I’d destroy this beau­ti­ful work of holo­graphic, bio­met­ric, foren­sic per­fec­tion! Oh, yeah, and they’d be able to iden­tify me as the per­son who did it if it sur­vived the blast. Because, see­ing as I’m a sui­cide bomber, I do actu­ally care a great deal about that.

To the Aus­tralian Gov­ern­ment: who­ever decides this is a good idea should be taken out on an excur­sion to Sydney’s pub­lic trans­port net­work. They should be pur­sued by peo­ple in plain clothes call­ing out to them to stop, weild­ing hand­guns. The pub­lic should oblig­ingly step out of the way and accept this as nor­mal. The mem­ber of the pub­lic ser­vice who is being pur­sued will trip, and fall to the floor in the door­way of a train car­riage. They will cower, whilst three armed men come to the door­way of the train, and raise their guns in the air, point­ing to the head of the per­son who is now pow­er­less beneath them.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

The floor of the car­riage is red. “Every­body, please leave the car­riage. This per­son was a suspect.”

Twenty other — now uni­formed — peo­ple come running.

Two days later, a state­ment is issued. But we already know the end­ing. It has been realised in the actions that recur­sively lead to the the death of this pulpy com­bi­na­tion of blood and flesh. A death of pub­lic free­doms has been realised, and the peo­ple have calmly left their car­riage of lib­er­ties with­out fur­ther ques­tion:– after­all, the guns are held by some­one else.

The ter­ror­ists have won.

If I were to write that in my HSC exam, as a short story or a work of fic­tion, chances are the paper would be con­sid­ered a non-serious attempt, as has hap­pened pre­vi­ously in at least one widely-publicised case with ‘exces­sive’ vio­lence (If mem­ory serves me cor­rectly, this instance detailed a school shoot­ing, I think). This vio­lence is not only on our streets, and in our tele­vi­sions: it is so per­va­sive in soci­ety that the insti­tu­tions once assigned the role of pre­vent­ing such now facil­i­tate it gra­tu­itously and with­out need for expla­na­tion. Remem­ber, in all this, that the British gov­ern­ment and bod­ies that con­sti­tute their pub­lic ser­vice (includ­ing the police force) have not iden­ti­fied the need for any fur­ther inves­ti­ga­tion into the pro­ce­dures that have allowed this bru­tal mur­der to take place, and nei­ther has any fur­ther inves­ti­ga­tion into why this man in par­tic­u­lar was shot. As of the time of writ­ing, the most recent press release avail­able on the Met­ro­pol­i­tan Police web­site is from the pre­vi­ous day:

“I can say as part of oper­a­tions linked to yesterday’s inci­dents, Met police offi­cers have shot a man inside Stock­well Under­ground Sta­tion at approx­i­mately 10am this morn­ing. Lon­don Ambu­lance Ser­vice and the air ambu­lance both attended and the man was pro­nounced dead at the scene. I under­stand Stock­well tube sta­tion remains closed.

The infor­ma­tion I have avail­able if [sic] that this shoot­ing is directly linked to the ongo­ing and expand­ing anti-terrorist oper­a­tion. [Empha­sis mine] Any death is deeply regret­table. I under­stand the man was chal­lenged and refused to obey. I can’t go any fur­ther than that at this stage…”

– Sir Ian Blair

This infor­ma­tion has since been proven incor­rect, yet there is a pre­vail­ing silence from the author­i­ties. Democ­racy requires a degree of open­ness that has not been allowed, here. Irre­spec­tive as to any “ongo­ing and expand­ing anti-terrorist oper­a­tion”, announc­ing that an inves­ti­ga­tion is pro­ceed­ing into this spe­cific event is not only of no detri­ment to “anti-terrorist” oper­a­tions, but a req­ui­site aspect of democracy.

BBC arti­cle
SMH arti­cle
Some­one who knew Jean

More about SACS Idol 2005

We’re going hor­ren­dously over­board and lov­ing every minute of it. The e-voting inter­face is primed, redesigned, and ready, we’re plan­ning live vision with instant replays of acts, pro­fes­sional voiceovers cour­tesy of Adrian the music nerd, and more than a few other sur­prises — and that’s just the tech­ni­cal side of things!

There’s a lineup of more than 15 tal­ented, not-so-talented-but-amusing, and amus­ingly bad per­for­mances, and tick­ets are just $5 at the door! Get to the BBC Audi­to­rium on Thurs­day for a night of great enter­tain­ment, with all pro­ceeds going to Assis­tance Dogs Aus­tralia.

# by Josh on May 10th, 2005 Tags: ,
| N/A

The Assessment Fiasco

I typed an essay on what hap­pened about the assess­ment fiasco yes­ter­day, but it went and lost a cookie again (I walked away, the total “page open” time would have been about 2-3hours, so that’s under­stand­able), so there goes a few pages of entertainment/grief/boredom, depend­ing on who you are.

Just out of curios­ity, who ARE you?  I’m look­ing at the Netscape user/users who have accounted for 60% of my traf­fic thus far this month.  I’m impressed.  I thought Netscape was dead, but evi­dently not.  Well.  Maybe it is.  But then, at least the Un-Dead browser users are com­ing and vis­it­ing my web­site.  The browsers are un-dead, that is, not the users.  Although they may be as well.  Who knows… write if you’re an un-dead user vis­it­ing this web­site, okay?

An un-dead user run­ning Netscape, espe­cially.  You know what’s REALLY inter­est­ing?  59.4% of the users are run­ning an OLD OLD OLD ugly ver­sion of Netscape.  Well, okay, so it’s not that old.  But 6.2.1 is get­ting mildly ancient for many peo­ple to be using, I would think.  At least it isn’t 4.x — I don’t know how nice that would play with all the CSS in these parts — not that it really mat­ters… If it can’t do it, the web­site is seman­ti­cally accept­able when dis­played as plain text in lin­ear form.  Don’t believe me?  Load up your favourite WAP browser, and assum­ing there isn’t any­thing par­tic­u­larly quirky on my front page at that point in time, it should dis­play plenty fine.

Yes.  So.  About that assess­ment.  I’m typ­ing this in a hum­ble text edi­tor, sim­ply so I don’t have to worry about ses­sion times, and will just copy and paste in when I’m done, how­ever many hours that may take, heh.

It all began on Mon­day after­noon this week (it’s only this week for another 3 hours 42 min­utes as I type this — okay, okay, enough dis­trac­tions!), as I arrived (late, due to a cer­tain con­certs un-punctuality… or some­thing) to Exten­sion Eng­lish to be told that our teacher (Mrs. Christie) had marked most of the assess­ments, but there were a hand­ful remain­ing; we would not have them returned that day, how­ever we were wel­come to col­lect them when they became avail­able at 8 a.m. the morn­ing fol­low­ing from recep­tion in BBC.  That said, she wanted to read out some of them which she had already marked to the class.

The “class com­bi­na­tion” thing hap­pened, as it some­times does, and we were all (at least, I was, and oth­ers also made snide remarks to the same effect) antic­i­pat­ing Mrs. Crump launch­ing into a power-trip dri­ven tirade about… what­ever it is that lady speaks about (I’ve never quite both­ered to ascer­tain that one).  That didn’t hap­pen: both classes were com­bined so that she (Mrs. Christie, not the cats mother) could com­ment on the assess­ments, and read out some of them to the class(I’ll drop the “es” — the plural is implied from here on in, okay?).

Alex McSkimming’s story was read out (title unre­called, plot was dri­ven by real-world events; appar­ently, the asso­ci­a­tion between reli­gious sym­bol­ogy, specif­i­cally Chris­t­ian sym­bols, and Vam­pires — or at least the repul­sion of — came about as a result of the Churches pol­icy with regard to the Black Plague.  I really want to read it again, for the con­tex­tual expla­na­tion and reflec­tion as much as for the story itself), and then another — Andrew Garrett’s com­po­si­tion, reflect­ing on the neces­sity of Blood for life — it wasn’t as Renfield-ish as it sounds — it was draw­ing (not draw­ing blood!) par­al­lels between the Blood Bank as a nec­es­sary com­po­nent of soci­ety for the preser­va­tion of life, and Vam­pires con­sump­tion of Blood as nec­es­sary for the con­tin­u­a­tion of THEIR life.  Mine was next.  At least, the first draft of mine was next.

She lifted the folder, and flipped to the story.  The cov­er­sheet fell into my view;  I asked “Are you sure you want to read that ver­sion out?  That’s my first draft, judg­ing from the cover sheet…”.  She was some­what con­fused… “Oh, so it is… I hope I didn’t mark you on that one!”  Insert ner­vous laugh­ter from all par­ties here.  The story was laid down, and she con­tin­ued to speak about some­thing else.  I was assured that she’d look at it, and let me know the fol­low­ing morn­ing — although she was “sure” she hadn’t.

8 a.m. came and went.  I didn’t get to school until 8:20, but from talk­ing to other peo­ple, I don’t think that many went and even tried to get theirs back in the morn­ing.  Mrs. Christie came down­stairs (or maybe not… I don’t know where her office lies) when called, and…

Yeah.  I can’t remem­ber how she phrased it.  My re-telling of the sequence of events has always begun with “Guess what!”.  I’d already guessed, of course — the glass is half empty.  Do you know what really bites about the whole thing at this point?  She’d just told me how much she liked my draft, and what mark I was to get for it.  Now, there are cer­tain marks which… aren’t con­ducive to mak­ing stu­dents want a remark.  This was one of them.  ANYWAY.  She was to re-examine the final copy, and I was to return at recess.

Done.

I return at recess to be told that Alanna has enquired/complained/tortured small ani­mals about why she got the mark she did, and as such the return of all as-yet-unreleased assess­ments was on hold as mis­cel­la­neous teach­ers took another look at the assessments.

That’s alright.  I can deal with that.  I’m not hang­ing out for a mark or any­thing here.

Lunch. I return, to be informed by Mrs. Court (the recep­tion­ist in BBC) that all the assess­ments were in a pile here.  There was a ges­ture, too ;).  Of course, mine wasn’t.  It was in a dis­tinc­tive red folder, and was at a glance evi­dently not there.  I flipped through the pile any­way, before say­ing “Could you please call Mrs. Christie again?”

And so, again, she came from ThatPlaceWhereMrs.Christie’sOfficeIs™ to recep­tion.  Aaand mine hadn’t been marked, due to a lack of free classes for her that day, or some­thing.  I was to return that after­noon, again.

After­noon came, as did I.  I was expelled by the Dean of the Senior Col­lege.  Seri­ously!  Appar­ently I’d been loi­ter­ing in recep­tion too much, or some­thing.  Mrs. Earle is great fun ;)  Any­way.  It is at this point where I begin to tire telling the story, because up until now, the time­frame looked as though the whole thing would be resolved in a day.  Nope!

She arrived, and we sat down.  Actu­ally, she arrived, said “I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, can you come back in 10″, I made a phone call, walked around mind­lessly for a bit, then came back, and THEN we sat down.  But I digress (again).  In her read­ing of the weighty tome (where weighty = prob­a­bly less than 100 grams), she has unveiled a dark and pow­er­ful secret.  So Un-Dead was my story, that two pages had arisen, and, unaided, made their escape (ess-ka-pey!) from the clutches of the Eng­lish depart­ment!  Or maybe I failed to sub­mit it, or she lost it.  Hey, one of the above will do — per­son­ally, I’m more excited about the first explanation.

Hav­ing read the doc­u­ment in its entirety, she decided that my story had regressed in clar­ity (at least, cer­tainly within the first sec­tion) between the first and sec­ond drafts.  You know what?  I could have told you that!  Some­thing to do with unfath­omable word lim­its?  Nah.  But that’s cool.  I’ll drop it.  I went 700 words over, so I can’t com­plain too much.  I’ll have a fur­ther rant about clar­ity and her/the depart­ments mark­ing schemes in a while — for now, there are other things to address.

Now, the cov­er­sheet and first page of the final draft were some­what AWOL — or with leave, what­ever.  At this point, she asked a ques­tion which I am still get­ting over — this, ladies and gen­tle­men, is a full 4 days (or is it 5?  Meh, I’m doing exten­sion ENGLISH, not MATHS!) on, and I have yet to START mov­ing on past this ques­tion.  It was, with­out a doubt, the stu­pid­est thing I’ve ever heard a teacher say.

“Now, should I give you nine­teen, or twenty for this?  What do you think you deserve?”

I’m sorry, you just DON’T ask a stu­dent that.  Regard­less as to whether or not you believe they would give an appro­pri­ate answer or not.  Per­son­ally, I don’t think ANYONE should EVER get “full marks” in any sub­jec­tively marked sub­ject (because, despite the best efforts of the Board of Stud­ies to destroy lit­er­a­ture and define mark­ing as neat, easy, criteria-based “tick-a-box” mark­ing, that isn’t the way it works.  That is some­thing I would really strug­gle with as a teacher, I think…) at the best of times, sim­ply because there is no such thing as a per­fect text.  There is that, and then there is my desire to achieve — but ask­ing for 20 doesn’t pro­vide a sense of achieve­ment, anyway.

Per­haps that was the motive behind the ques­tion?  Whether I answered “nine­teen” or “twenty”, the result was the same — my mark, as per­ceived by myself, had decreased.  I said “I’m not answer­ing that, I can’t answer that objec­tively — can I bring in a reprint of those pages tomor­row, so that you can re-mark it?”.

What hap­pened next was nearly as astound­ing.  Hav­ing just explained why I had lost the mark, con­cern was voiced that I may take this oppor­tu­nity to edit the first page appro­pri­ately, in order to regain the mark.  “Can I trust you not to change it?”.  I don’t remem­ber what I said now.  Whether it was “That’s up to you” or “Hang on, you just asked me what I should get for my own work, and yet you don’t trust me to make a reprint, even though my edit­ing, IF ANY would have to be per­fect to the point that the sen­tence which was con­tin­ued on page two of the text flowed as though no change on the first page had occurred at all?  I’m sorry, please, give, me twenty or nine­teen right now as you wish.” I hon­estly couldn’t say.  Tech­ni­cally, edit­ing so that the first page flowed into the sec­ond seam­lessly would have been near impos­si­ble.  AND, that’s assum­ing I could be both­ered.  I’m sorry, but I like to think I have more of a life than that (not to men­tion moral­ity and a sense of values).

What­ever I said, the out­come was she was will­ing to let me bring in a reprint the fol­low­ing day.

This is Wednes­day:
I come to school, drop the print­out at recep­tion ask­ing that it be given to Mrs. Christie as was con­ve­nient, and return in the after­noon.  It hasn’t been marked.

Thurs­day comes.  I seize Mrs. Christie in the cor­ri­dor, and am informed I have 19 as a final mark.  I am happy.  I have clo­sure.  I also have a mark of 95% for a work which really doesn’t deserve even that (espe­cially con­sid­er­ing my com­plete vio­la­tion of any con­cerns of brevity, with my FINAL com­ing in at 1700ish, and the first draft sit­ting at a lovely 2000).

I still haven’t both­ered to retrieve my phys­i­cal copy, that can wait until next Tuesday’s lesson.

Now that the recount­ing is over, and heads are still spin­ning, I’m going to launch into a tirade.

CLEAR!!!

Okay.  There are a few things.  Firstly, the sub­ject of per­fect marks.  I addressed it before, but since this is where I’m vent­ing about all the things I think are wrong with it, it needs to be men­tioned (at least briefly) again.

IT
SHOULD
NEVER
HAPPEN
in sub­jec­tive subjects.

Lit­er­a­ture is not math­e­mat­i­cal, it is not sci­en­tific.  It is abstract, free, more beau­ti­ful than math­e­mat­ics — end­less scope for rigid struc­ture or dis­jointed abstrac­tion is per­mit­ted within its bounds, and this is some­thing no insti­tu­tion should even think of try­ing to break down into sim­ple criterions.

Why?  Because, for one, being (poten­tially) that abstract, there is an incred­i­bly nar­row prob­a­bil­ity of pre-emptively cre­at­ing cri­te­ria to suit the work which shall be sub­mit­ted.  Addi­tion­ally, the assign­ment of marks to (espe­cially) cre­ative works is some­thing which is just another part con­tribut­ing towards the score-obsessed high school cul­ture which exists in NSW (and prob­a­bly the rest of the world) in the senior years today.

The need for quan­tifi­ca­tion is recog­nised, how­ever this can­not be broadly applied to things such as it is now!

I’ll leave that where it is, else this post may dou­ble in length again.

My sec­ond… objec­tion towards this whole thing is about the REASONS my first draft scored perfectly.

It wasn’t per­fect!  Pre­vi­ous com­ments aside, I haven’t seen the cri­te­ria, so this is all “spec­u­la­tion” (O! Look what they have done to us! The author spec­u­lates upon his own work, as the BoS looks over us and gloats!).  But there were at least FOUR PRINTED PAGES which WERE INCLUDED with my sub­mit­ted assess­ment CLEARLY DOCUMENTING AND OUTLINING THE NEED FOR CHANGES IN the first draft!  Com­ments were included both from myself (which is accept­ably dis­counted, as any com­ments should be included in reflec­tions, but this was not), Alec Sewell, and Sam Holloway!

Gram­mar, struc­ture, spelling, clar­ity, frag­men­ta­tion, and pre­sen­ta­tion of con­cepts was (in my opin­ion) much bet­ter exe­cuted in the pro­ceed­ing edits than in the orig­i­nal.  And I’m not the only one to think so.

The impli­ca­tion of this is some­what dis­turb­ing.  Either the orig­i­nal edit (1st draft) was not read as the orig­i­nal when the mark was assigned — that is, prior to los­ing the first two pages of the final copy (yes, that was an accu­sa­tion — I don’t know if it was me or her, but I’m fairly sure I sub­mit­ted it), it was marked, and scored 20 — or the orig­i­nal edit was mis­marked to the extent that DOCUMENTED errors were overlooked.

Either way, and in both my com­plaints, a “per­fect mark” is clearly of lit­tle sig­nif­i­cance where such errors may abound unseen, unde­tected, and appar­ently unim­por­tantly.  The more I think about it, the more I want to see this cri­te­ria sheet.  I have a feel­ing my sus­pi­cions about the inef­fec­tive­ness of sub­jec­tive “tick-a-box” mark­ing may have just been con­firmed, or at least strengthened…

as such sus­pi­cions are merely sub­jec­tive, of course. ;)

Chasing tails

I’ve made a vague promise that this would be writ­ten in loose terms, so I’m sorry if I break def­i­n­i­tions of loose, here ;p

The St. Andrews IT depart­ment has long been a cause of angst not only for stu­dents, but for teach­ers, par­ents, and fish.  In the past, there have been var­i­ous peo­ple attempt to hack­saw it down, how­ever they have been detained and gen­er­ally oppressed because of it.

This is a topic scarce-discussed, for fear of reprisals from var­i­ous per­son­nel.  As Ellis Baker would say in “The System” — “Anything but I.T. Levi, any­thing.”  But SC shall brave it, bring­ing you news from the front at great risk to life, limb, and net­work access priv­i­leges.  Well, okay, reduced risk to the for­mer two, and dubi­ous risk to the third.

Don’t inter­rupt my drama­ti­sa­tion, okay?

So, any­way… In the past, such attempts to fell the gar­gan­tuan enter­prise that is SACS IT have been cir­cum­vented (often before the offend­ing par­ties were aware that such attempts had occurred — such is the ben­e­fit of a “first strike” net­work admin pol­icy, it would seem.  Nev­er­mind pre­ven­tion, accu­sa­tion is the cure!) — but now, two brave young men have ende­voured to strike where none have ever (pub­licly) struck before (and got­ten caught for it).

Bob and Bill, as they shall be known, set out on a mis­sion to bypass the *cough* secu­rity mea­sures *end­cough* that St. Andrews had in place, using a vast vari­ety of highly skilled pro­grammes (note: skill rests in pro­grammes) obtained from highly secre­tive and lit­tle known secu­rity resources on some­thing known as the Inter­net.  Big “I”, there.

It is alleged that cer­tain peo­ple obtained access to resources through the use of util­i­ties designed espe­cially to dis­rupt net­work activ­ity within St. Andrews, namely known as Linux, a highly mali­cious tool for Black Hat hack­ers, with known vio­la­tions of global intel­lec­tual prop­erty law.  Clearly, this is a tool only for extreme crim­i­nals on the edge of society.

Specif­i­cally, they are thought to have made use of the dubi­ously named “CISCO TESTING SERVER”, labelled with an equally ques­tion­able mes­sage — “DO NOT TURN OFF”.  This com­puter, thought to have been run­ning a vari­ant of this highly ille­gal “Linux”, was a purpose-built hack­ing tool, with the capac­ity to destroy nations at the press of a but­ton.  Go the direct link to ye olde ICBM launcher on the roof of BBC.

Hey, this is sound­ing more and more like “The Sys­tem” every minute!  Bring on Paint!

[i]If you haven’t read it, talk to Ellis Baker some­time, or talk to me and I’ll email you a copy of it — from what I’ve heard from him, he’d want as many peo­ple to read it as pos­si­ble… hehe, it is a VERY good read.[/i]

Dis­claimer: [i]The infor­ma­tion pre­sented above is not guar­an­teed to con­tain a shred of truth.  For the most part, I have taken a small part real­ity, and dis­torted it beyond imme­di­ate recog­ni­tion.  If any­one is offended by the truth that remains, if you can give me legal rea­son to retract com­ments, then I will.  Until then, post a com­ment, have a cry, and get on with your life.

Oh, and secure your net­works, whilst you’re at it.[/i]