Broadband-ish Steal my Kisses/Textual Healing spoof online

31 Oct 2005

So, as soon as I uploaded a moderate-resolution WMV version of the video to year12.joahua.com, Google Video decided it was going to approve it. However, it seems the Google version is pretty poor quality (yes, I uploaded the same version to both Google and my own site), so if you want quality it’s best to go with the year12.joahua source — though the audio quality on both of them seems to be about the same.

The Google Video version will play in your browser (using Flash Video).
The hosted Windows Media version can be saved to your computer (right-click, “Save Target As…” or “Save Link As…”, depending on the browser).

The Windows Media version is ~23MiB, so I’d assume the Google version will be (probably significantly) less than that.

Now with added lyrics!

(Thanks to Ben, though I don’t know I agree with the end bit, and think he’s hashed out sections where it’s entirely possible nothing was even said :P)

I’ve had Mrs Christie for three years,
When she speaks it’s like music to my ears.
Having her has been such a blast,
Marcelo told me that he wants to touch her arse.

I started out with Oud then Sinovich,
Year 12 English proved to be quite a bitch.
You may think you’re pretty far from first,
But don’t worry Tyrone will always be the worst.

Always try to steal my essays from you,
‘Coz when it comes to English I just don’t have a clue,
And now it’s coming down to HSC,
I’m going to need the Lord to pray for me.

I went down to class just the other day,
And I had something really witty to say.
I was just about to speak but then just my luck
{the part where} ? except Garrett never shuts up.

Always have to steal my essays from the ‘net,
Here good looking dont know what to do,
And now it’s coming down to HSC,
I’m going to need the Lord to pray for me.

We’re going to take it down a bit.
(Hums)

So let’s get down to Module A, B and C.
Oooo, Ondaatje’s making love to me.
Oh baby, baby, won’t you come, come with me,
To an imaginary journey on pages seventy two and seventy three.

When I get that feeling, I need textual healing,
Ondaatje is making me feel, so damn fine.
The syntax literary techniques and devices all showing,
Shakespeare is getting my juices flowing.

I’m going down to Kubla Khan, (Oooooo yeah)
And sweetheart I want you to come, (You come)
When I take that Coleridge off the shelf,
Damn, he makes me want to touch myself.

When I get that feeling, I need textual healing,
Ondaatje is making me feel, so damn fine.
The syntax literary techniques and devices all showing,
Shakespeare is getting my juices flowing.

(Textual, textual, textual healing,
Textual, textual, textual.) x2

When I get that feeling, I need textual healing,
Ondaatje is making me feel so damn fine.
The syntax literary techniques and devices all showing,
Shakespeare is getting my juices flowing.

Textual, textual, textual healing,
Textual, textual, textual.

Now, who wants to timecode it for me?! Captions await! ;-)